Staying Postive (in spite of it all)

Here is my secret: I am human.

We had our third modified barium swallow yesterday. Not only is Herston not getting better, his dysphagia is getting worse. It is so hard waiting for the day when everything is going to be "normal". I had such high hopes. After being stressed out about twice a week therapy sessions, doctor specialists everywhere, and another close call, my friend sympathetically said, "Ruth, if you really think you are going to lose him, enjoy him now."

I have always said, "just wait until..." Just wait until I am done having kids, all my kids are potty-trained, they get into school, when we celebrate our tenth anniversary, or I lose the baby fat. "My life will start when I have kids" can quickly turn into "I will be happy when I am not pregnant."

...but the real question is "then what?"

If we are always waiting for life to begin, we will miss it. This was the best Christmas ever because I sat back and said, "this is the last time my kids will be this age."

So, today, as I prepare his thicker goo-formula bottle, I will try to think about how happy Herston is to see it. The pure excitement he gets when he eats, like he has never done it before, is simply contagious.

Another friend often states the blogging/journaling is therapeutic. I agree.