Happy Birthday Ethan

Every year the essence of this child encourages me to write long emotional dedications. 

While they are all true, this year I can't help but think his cake is on fire. 

Growing up will do that to a cake I guess. 

10!

He is the Gift

Every day since Thanksgiving it has been the same. Children presenting lists of Christmas wants that have barely changed since that time. 

Determined to give my kids' the three gifts* they wanted the most, I started on my Christmas shopping. I was done in no time, except for one. 

Every time I asked him what he wanted for Christmas, I got the same answer "I want everybody to know the true meaning of Christmas."

After a couple weeks of my prodding for other gift options, he added jelly beans. Sometimes he would add gummy lifesavers, but his number one gift that people know the true meaning of Christmas has never changed. 

For my Ethan:

Dear world,

I believe in Jesus. I celebrate Christmas in honor of His birth. Christmas is literally "Christ's Mass".

Jesus has brought me peace in life. May you feel the love and happiness you deserve through Him. 

Matthew 1:21 And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name Jesus: for he shall save his people from their sins.

Remember the reason for the season for me... for Ethan... for Him. 

Forever in Love,

Me

*based from the three gifts Christ received

Work Christmas Party

After surving a supposed "family" work party with my children, I decided I would give advice to anyone in a similar situation.

1. Although you may like giving your child freedom of choice for their wardrobe, maybe letting the majority of your children wear pajamas may not be a good idea. 

2. Babies are cute. Toddlers are loud. Childless couples are unsympathetic.

3. The announcement that we made a Halloween cake mix because it was in clearance to a Christmas party doesn't go over smooth. Either does the child's annoucement that it's okay that it's old because he made it. 

4. If you think your boss micromanaged you, just wait until four kids are serving themselves at the buffet table. 

5. On that same note, pies are hard to dish out. Spoons?

6. Someone is bound to spill something.

7. You don't have to wait until it's really is boring to leave, they will continue to remind you. In front of the director. 

8. One word: tantrum... and not by youngest

9. Confirm other children will be there to the "family party"

What if my son was Jesus?

For several years, I have overheard members of the Easter Pageant describe the closeness they felt to the spirit while participating in the pagaent. I longed for that sweet feeling. 

For the last two years, I have put the auditions in my calendar, but every October we were busy... until this year. 

After the group auditions, one of the producers followed us out. He asked me my name, and then directed the rest of the questions to my older son. "How old are you? Why are you here?"

Knowing there is a part for a 12 year old Jesus, I was intrigued by his interest in my child. 

And then it hit me, what if my child was Jesus?

Would his homework matter? Would I offer a helping hand when he spilled his milk for the third time that day?  Would I provide more service opportunities?  Would he still play on sports teams?  How would I handle conflicts?

Would I show my love more?

UPDATE:

My children and I were selected for the Easter pageant. My children will be with Jesus, and I hope that as they sit on his lap, they will feel HIS love.

Safe

When my son was a baby, he would not sleep in his crib. In fact, he slept in between my legs with his head on my belly for 18 months straight. His little sister broke his cycle, but he often found his way back to my bed. 

Two days ago, thunder woke up the house; I was even scared. 

My now much older son jumped onto my belly again. 

"Mom, you just make me feel safe."

I am glad I am always open for him. 

My days have been longer and more stressful lately. I have the average practices, parent meetings, concerts, and games while my husband is off the grid due to football, but I have to add multiple doctors visits as well. 

I had the need to feel safe. I ran to the temple, but slowed down while I was there. I felt safe enough that I could attack a few more days. 

I am glad He is always open for me. 

Faith, Love, and More Faith, AKA the baby that saved my life

Almost three years ago, I got a premonition to have another baby. 

This did not come from me. I was content with my older four children. I was in a high paying career. I had just sold all my baby stuff.  Another child did not fit into my symmetrical brain. 

My husband took the biggest leap of faith when the morning after he said no, he said, "I think you are crazy, but Heavenly Father gives you revelation regarding childbirth."

We would need to seek help from a professional to get pregnant for the first time ever. 

The endocrine reproductive doctor did more tests than I knew existed, and I didn't understand why they were even necessary because we knew the man-made problem. So when the doctor made me promise to follow up on my abnormal lab values, I wasn't worried. As my dad says, I'm "a baby making machine."

Annastasia was my most difficult pregnancy. I was beyond tired, I lost hair, gained the most weight, and my legs hurt. I attributed it to my advanced maternal age. 

I half heartedly followed up on my labs while I was still breast feeding. They didn't test all the labs, but the ones we did were normal. 

The leg pain continued, so I had more labs and ultrasounds without any cause. 

My fatigue was so bad; I pleaded with my doctor to give me something for sleep. I quit one job and scaled the other job down to only once a week. 

Nothing help. I drank more water. I became taking vitamins and other supplements. 

I was becoming depressed. Chronic pain and chronic fatigue were a horrible way to live. Only the love of that baby kept me around. 

I finally returned to my doctor and had all the labs repeated even the obscure ones.

This time the problem was revealed. 

I now put my faith back in my Heavenly Father. I was supposed to have Annie in order to expose my health problems; He was helping me.

And I now know that Heavenly Father really does love me. 

RaeRae

Never in a million years could I have imagined having a girl like you.  You excel in areas I struggle. 

The world is yours for the taking. 

Baptism

To really know Larissa is to love her. 

There is no pretending with her.  If she likes you, she really likes you. That is why I wasn't too surprised that she had invited a substitute teacher who actually came. 

"There is something really special about her," the teacher said with tears in her eyes. 

I agree. 

"And one with style, Mom"

Congratulations, Larissa to a positive beginning. 

School

From first bus pickup at 7am to last school starting after 9am, I was concerned for the expanded morning. 

My worries have turned into small blessings as I have more private time with each of my children. 

Here's to a great year. 

Individual Worth

I sighed one of my biggest sighs. Maybe I was hoping to breathe in knowledge. Hopefully I would breathe out my negative quick reactions. I hate seeing my girl in pain. 

"Can I tell you a story?" It was the only thing I could think to do, so I continued without permission. 

"One upon a time, there was a happy little girl who made her own decisions. She had one friend that said her shirt was ugly. Another friend that told her to get a new backpack.  Little by little the girl started making changes. Until one day, the girl realized she didn't know what SHE wanted."

A large tear that had been accumulating in her eye finally took the large journey down her cheek. I continued because I knew she was getting the message she needed to hear. 

"If Heavenly Father wanted us to be the same, we would all look alike. Instead, I got a beautiful, petite little girl with long hair and auburn highlights." I knew I had touched upon insecurities.

"Don't forget your individual worth."

~*~*~*~

In hindsight, I realized the bible it just stories or parables because it allows the audience to hear what they need to hear. Individually. Because we all have our own problems... and our own worth. 

And maybe there was apart of the story I needed to hear as well.